It Isn't Enough
by AyanamiEraclea
Summary: Craig is always telling Eric how amazing and awesome and beautiful he is. But a few weeks in their lives teach them that words aren't enough. Change of pace from Self Injury!Craig. Rated for self injury, sexual themes, eating disorders.


So a new CraigxEric oneshot because I'm tired of the huge influx of fics and none are about them.

I'm not updating Darker than the Blackest Hole until someone writes me something or makes me fanart or an icon. Just so you guys know. This is a bit tame for me, too.

Why Do You Hurt Yourself?

Craig knows that Eric knows that he means the world to him. They mean the world to each other. Every morning at school, Craig has Eric's shoulder, telling him how amazing he is. Every afternoon when they hold hands on the way back to Craig's house, Craig tells him how amazing he is in his ear. And every Friday night between the sheets of Eric's bed, Craig is crying out how amazing a lover Eric is…but it isn't enough.

Craig didn't know it wasn't enough until the one day Eric didn't come to school. The day that Craig had been the unspoken homework bringer; they didn't even need to ask. The day Craig looked like a crack head he was so paranoid and uppity. The day he shot out of the school so fast the other students thought they were in a paradox time warp.

He knocked on the door politely. Mrs. Blonnowitz opened it and gave a heavy sigh of relief when she saw it was Craig.

"Maybe you can see why he didn't come to school." Craig already had his guesses. The whole Eric-punching-Drake incident had encompassed the best and worst week of both of their lives. Eric was such a perfectionist sometimes. All the time…and Craig sat there and complained about being dumped.

_Maybe…maybe I took it a bit far with the yelling…_

He didn't know how far he had taken it until he walked into Eric's bedroom and Eric was driving a jagged blade into his forearm. He heard the door open and dropped it quickly.

"Mom, it's not how you think it lo--" When he looked up and saw who it was, he wished it would have been his mom. He couldn't stand Craig giving him the "Why?" face. He's giving Eric the "Why?" face and shaking his head. And Eric just breaks down in tears.

"C-Craig, I'm sorry! I-I'm just having a b-bit of trouble h-handling things is all! It has n-nothing to do with you!" Craig closes his eyes a moment and then walked over to Eric, who was trying to stand but couldn't. Finally, Eric was upright and shaking with deep sobs.

"I c-can't do this anymore, Craig! I-I don't know wh-why at all…I just f-feel so worthless." He collapses into Craig's arms. Craig's hearing the word "worthless" ring in his ears and he wants to cry but knows he can't because crying would make the whole situation worse.

"Shhh." He coos, rocking Eric back and forth. "If you were worthless," He said soothingly "…I wouldn't be your boyfriend." And he pulls Eric into a long, deep, hungry kiss that at this point they both need. Craig thinks it's over, then.

But then, in the next few weeks, Craig notices a frightening change in both Eric's appearance and his behavior. He picks at his lunch some days, claiming to have eaten a heavy breakfast. Some days he gets 2 lunches and spends the first ten minutes of the next class in the bathroom. His teeth yellowed and Craig noticed he got thin, pale…but didn't want to accuse Eric of what he thought it was. No, best not to make Eric feel bad again.

Until Eric passes out in gym class. Craig watches it happen on the sidelines while coach is forcing Eric to play basketball. Drake and Mindy rush to his aid first while Craig is paralyzed with fear, too afraid to move, thinking that if he moves at all Eric will just snap like a twig.

"Craig? Craig, wake up! Are you OK?" Drake is shaking Eric but doesn't know, doesn't pay attention like Mindy and Craig do. Craig is too scared and worried and everything to notice how funny it was that stupid Drake got their names wrong again, but Mindy does.

"It's _Eric_, idiot! Eric, please wake up, please." Everyone but Josh and Craig are shocked that Mindy is showing true emotion toward another person. Mindy looks like she's about to cry, Eric's been best friends with her since Kindergarten…

Craig finally has the strength to move. He lets out a cry and falls into the crowd around Eric, rudely shoving everyone that he can aside…the nurse was called down…Eric is going to the hospital…Eric's getting force-fed at the hospital so that he doesn't die…Eric is bulimic and it's all Craig's fault for not accusing him…

That, really, is how fast the day went. Craig would get new information and it'd pass right through him and he would just _pace_, the word "worthless" ringing in his ear. He remembers their "first time", how at the end they cuddled and Eric said that he was never good enough for anyone else. How Craig said that he was good enough for him…how many times had he repeated it now? Every day, three times a day, from their first time (at the beginning of sophomore year) till right that moment, almost the end of senior year. Over three thousand times. It was never enough. It never would be. Not for Eric. And Craig was just going to have to deal with it and do the best he could.

Eric is discharged a week and a half later, and since his parents choose not to get him committed to a mental help facility, the whole family plus Craig is sitting in a conference room at the psychiatrist, Dr. Lowell, two months later. And Eric just came out to the family. And Craig sits and waits for Mr. Blonnowitz to ask him to leave, which he does, but Eric stops him.

"No, Dad. He's going to stay." Craig's eyes widened. Eric never, ever spoke up to his parents at all. Or spoke at all in the psychiatrist's office, for that matter. He wasn't abused, just…a disappointment, Craig supposed.

"Craig's the only one who doesn't compare me to anybody, especially Jamie." He wrinkled his nose when he mentioned his older brother's name.

"You got your 'good son' already. Yet you push me to do things I don't want to do. And then you take advantage of the fact that I bust my rear for school, something that Jamie never did, and make me work my fingers to the bone and you took away my outlet for pain. I'm never going to be good enough for you guys, am I?" He turned to Craig and rested his head on his shoulder.

"I'll be good enough when I'm dead." He said in a hollow, haunted voice. And he promptly shut his mouth. Craig looks at Mr. Blonnowitz, and Eric's father nodded, knowing there was no way to unsay what Eric said.

"I think we made enough progress today. You may leave." Dr. Lowell says. And they all stand and leave. Craig pulls Eric up, knows Eric is weak with everything, knows Eric is drained. Eric goes home with Craig, and neither of them say a word on the way home. Craig knows that no matter how much he says, it won't be enough right now. But he also knows that if he ignores it, his lover is going to end up in the hospital again, and he's not sure either of them can handle it. So when the car is parked in the driveway, neither of them get out. Craig takes Eric's hand, laces their fingers together, and smiles.

And he has a feeling that maybe, just maybe, that'll be enough to get Eric to tomorrow.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

lol how do i fail fanfix?

God that sucked so bad. It became something it wasn't supposed to be in the first place.

Read and review. And make me fanfics/fanart/icons for my pairing plz kthxbai.


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